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No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One, by Carla Fine
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Suicide would appear to be the last taboo. Even incest is now discussed freely in popular media, but the suicide of a loved one is still an act most people are unable to talk about--or even admit to their closest family or friends. This is just one of the many painful and paralyzing truths author Carla Fine discovered when her husband, a successful young physician, took his own life in December 1989. And being unable to speak openly and honestly about the cause of her pain made it all the more difficult for her to survive.
With No Time to Say Goodbye, she brings suicide survival from the darkness into light, speaking frankly about the overwhelming feelings of confusion, guilt, shame, anger, and loneliness that are shared by all survivors. Fine draws on her own experience and on conversations with many other survivors--as well as on the knowledge of counselors and mental health professionals. She offers a strong helping hand and invaluable guidance to the vast numbers of family and friends who are left behind by the more than thirty thousand people who commit suicide each year, struggling to make sense of an act that seems to them senseless, and to pick up the pieces of their own shattered lives. And, perhaps most important, for the first time in any book, she allows survivors to see that they are not alone in their feelings of grief and despair.
- Sales Rank: #39048 in Books
- Brand: Master
- Published on: 1999-11-09
- Released on: 1999-11-09
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x .72" w x 5.43" l, .55 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 272 pages
- Harmony
From Publishers Weekly
In 1989, the author's husband of 21 years, 44-year-old Harry, a New York City physician who was depressed over the recent deaths of his parents, killed himself with a lethal dose of an anesthetic. Stunned by her loss, Fine (Married to Medicine: An Intimate Portrait of Doctors' Wives) searched in vain for books on how to deal with the suicide of a loved one. In her comprehensive and well-written manual for "suicide survivors," such as herself, she offers advice for those recovering from the suicide of a marital partner, relative or close friend. Drawing on research, interviews with survivors and her own experience, Fine provides insights into living beyond this tragedy including dealing with feelings of guilt and anger, the stigma of suicide and financial and legal problems, and she tells where to get help. She stresses that joining a peer support group is an important coping tool. Although some of the descriptions of suicides make for harrowing reading, the book is a valuable contribution to an overlooked subject.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
A great many books have been written on the reasons for suicide from the victim's point of view, but this powerful work deals with the wrenching emotional effects of unexpected purposeful death on grieving survivors. The author's husband, seemingly a thriving physician, took his life in December 1989. Fine's discovery of his body left her with a flood of mixed emotions and anguish that inspired her to record, in vividly honest terms, the legacy of suicide on survivors. Despite the permanent sadness and even humiliation that suicide survivors face, this book offers hope in its summary of predictable patterns of adjustment. Sections move from the suicide, to its aftermath, to survival and how to make sense of the chaos. An excellent appendix includes current information on organizations, resource materials, and support groups for suicide survivors. The bibliography is extensive and useful. Recommended for public libraries and specialized mental health collections.?Catherine T. Charvat, John Marshall Lib., Alexandria, Va.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
Few events in life are as traumatic as the suicide of a loved one, as Carla Fine knows firsthand. Fine's husband killed himself seven years ago, and she battled with the emotional turmoil so common to survivors of a suicide. Using her experiences, those of other survivors, and advice from mental-health professionals, Fine provides a compassionate guide for dealing with the guilt, anger, and confusion. The pain is made worse by the social stigma attached to suicide, an act that is still considered criminal. Fine herself initially lied to coworkers, telling them her husband died of a heart attack rather than face the embarrassment of the truth. In unearthing the causes of this torment, Fine hopes to foster healing, in part by stressing the importance of forgiving the absent person. Sensitive and curative, this book offers a frank look at a subject many would prefer to ignore. Brian McCombie
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Didn't work for me
By Bat Babe
A good friend killed himself a few weeks ago and I found out only because his sister in law posted the info for his Facebook friends. Because I'm a psychiatric RN with 30 plus years of experience and I knew that he was "high risk" this devastated me. I looked for some help in books but this one basically was useless for me. The author spend many pages describing how different folks killed themselves which was of no interest to me - I didn't find any practical advice at all - and it seemed to also be focused on family members rather than friends of the deceased. I will just have to keep looking I guess.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Spouse Suicide Book - Highly Recommended
By Toy Dollz
My friend "B" recommended this for my other friend. "B" says that if only she would have read this sooner after her husband committed suicide, that she would have known a lot more about her own feelings. "B" says this book is a must for spouse suicide survivors. "B" says many of the books out there deal with your childrens' suicides etc but that you need this book to deal specifically with the spouse.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
I believe God decided he had suffered enough and told him to come home where he could be happy and his spirit could be light
By Keithfaninwv
I lost my son to suicide 9 months ago...most of the books I have read have been very helpful but I feel this book is outdated and focuses more on the stigma of suicide rather than being helpful. Never once have I ever been embarrassed by his decision. I believe God decided he had suffered enough and told him to come home where he could be happy and his spirit could be light. He was an angel on earth and is now with the angels in Heaven.
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