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The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame, by Pete Walker
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This book is a handbook for increasing your emotional intelligence. Moreover, if you are a survivor of a dysfunctional family, it is a guide for repairing the damage done to your emotional nature in childhood. As such it is actually a sequel to my later book: Complex PTSD from Surviving To Thriving. The Tao of Fully Feeling focuses primarily on the emotional healing level of trauma recovery. It is a safe handbook for grieving losses of childhood. Whether or not you are a childhood trauma survivor, this book is a guide to emotional health. The degree of our mental health is often reflected in the degree to which we love and respect ourselves and others in a myriad of different feeling states. Real self-esteem and real intimacy with others depends on the ability to lovingly be there for oneself and others, whether one's feeling experience is pleasant or unpleasant. Those who can only be there for themselves or another during the "good" times show no constancy, inspire little trust, and are only fair weather friends to themselves and others. Without access to our dysphoric feelings, we are deprived of the most fundamental part of our ability to notice when something is unfair, abusive, or neglectful. Those who cannot feel their sadness often do not know when they are being unfairly excluded, and those who cannot feel their normal angry or fearful responses to abuse, are often in danger of putting up with it without protest. Repressing our emotions creates anxiety and stress, and stress, like most of our emotions is often treated like some unwanted waste that must be removed. Until all of the emotions are accepted indiscriminately (and acceptance does not imply license to dump emotions irresponsibly or abusively), there can be no wholeness, no real sense of well being, and no solid sense of self esteem. Thus, while it may be fairly easy to like oneself when feelings of love, happiness or serenity are present, deeper psychological health is seen only in the individual who can maintain a posture of self-compassion and self-respect in the times of emotional hurt that accompany life's inevitable losses, disappointments and unforeseen difficulties. Finally this book explores the nature and limits of real forgiveness - identifying behaviors and people who cannot authentically be forgiven.
- Sales Rank: #70904 in Books
- Published on: 2015-11-02
- Original language: English
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .67" w x 6.00" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 294 pages
About the Author
Pete Walker, M.A., MFT, is a licensed Marriage and Family psychotherapist with degrees in Social Work and Counseling Psychology. He has been working as a counselor, lecturer, writer and group leader for thirty-five years, and as a trainer, supervisor and consultant of other therapists for 20 years. He holds certificates in supervision from The California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and from The Psychotherapy Institute in Berkeley. Pete Walker is a "general practitioner" who has a private practice in the East Bay of the San Francisco Bay Area. He specializes in helping adults who were traumatized in childhood, especially those whose repeated exposure to abuse and/or neglect left them with the symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [Cptsd]. His articles on a multimodal approach to treating Cptsd have been published in a number of professional psychotherapy periodicals. Pete’s first book, The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness Out of Blame, has been acclaimed by many therapists and clients as a powerful, compassionate and pragmatic tool for guiding recovery. Alice Miller, author of The Drama of the Gifted Child, wrote: “Pete Walker wrote a book about his own recovery from emotional numbness. The author passionately explores as thoroughly as possible the role of emotions in human life. The result is not only a moving, honest recount but also an informative guide for people who want to become more aware of their buried feelings. Walker's well explained concept of 'reparenting' will help them go through this fascinating process in a safe, protected way." Pete’s new book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is the logical extension and evolution of the work presented in his first book. It deeply explores the causes of Cptsd that range from severe neglect to monstrous abuse. Many survivors of traumatizing families grew up in houses that were not homes – in families that were as loveless as orphanages and sometimes as dangerous.
Most helpful customer reviews
85 of 87 people found the following review helpful.
Every person on the planet should own this book
By wien2000
1. Pete writes from experience and well as a therapist. His is the only work I've ever read that didn't make me feel like something was wrong with me that needed fixing and he had all the answers. He clearly distinguishes between identity and traits, something that every person who has suffered trauma needs to understand first and foremost. So much of what I identified with as part of my personality I recognize is a very natural human response to trauma. That erased so much shame. I am in the process of discovering for the first time who I really am.
2. I think every human being should be required to read it because it is the only book I've read that fully understands what a human is and gives full permission to wake up and be alive. So many people who don't need to recover from trauma still operate on a robotic level to varying degrees. They have no idea how to feel and listen and engage with themselves and thus others and the world. Because it is so balanced, every person will find what they are missing to recenter their heart. Regardless of race, gender, age, religion, what makes us human is emotion and this book is all about balancing emotions by using them for what they were intended.
3. We've all heard of fight and flight. But he expands with two other F's (fawn and freeze) which explains in more reality reaction to abuse and neglect. I mostly fawn and freeze and needed to someone to point out to me my subconscious reactions. I didn't even know I was reacting.
4. Understanding emotional flashbacks is key to the path of wholeness. I have very little memory of my childhood and what I do remember was not abusive or neglectful according to most people's definition. It was just life. I spent decades feeling like I couldn't handle life and everything that I struggled with was my own fault. Being aware of emotional flashbacks without visualization gave me tools to understand why I was feeling the way I did and helped me pull out of it.
5. It is both insightful and transformative. So many books are about diagnosis but then fail to give the reader tools to change. This book does both. I understand why and I have tools to be who I want to be.
I have given this book to several friends and they are saying the same things I am. Finally something that really understands what I went though and how I feel and how I can heal.
Thank you Pete, for being brave enough to lead the way. You are changing lives. I can imagine what our world will be like when we allow ourselves and others to be human. It's beautiful.
53 of 54 people found the following review helpful.
Must read
By JJ
Really, one of the first books I came across that describes and deals with the more innocuous - looking forms of childhood trauma - all the acts of omission and general neglect. I always figured childhood trauma didn't apply to me because I wasn't beaten or called horrible names. I was merely ignored and largely invisible within my family and didn't realize the correlation to my adult difficulties - especially emotional flashbacks. Audrey Hepburn's reference to "the reds" in Breakfast at Tiffany's was the only other identifier I had!
Anyway, it was extremely difficult to read (emotionally)- which I'm pretty sure means I needed to read it. Looking forward to the author's new one.
27 of 27 people found the following review helpful.
I highly recommend his books and his website
By LilyR
This book and Pete Walker's other book, Complex PTSD, have been the most helpful material I've encountered in almost 40 years of recovery. The Tao of Fully Feeling has been my main support as I move forward on my journey through the grieving caused by chronic childhood abuse. So enlightening and healing! I highly recommend his books and his website.
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