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How to Fight Presidents: Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country, by Daniel O'Brien
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Make no mistake: Our founding fathers were more bandanas-and-muscles than powdered-wigs-and-tea.
As a prisoner of war, Andrew Jackson walked several miles barefoot across state lines while suffering from smallpox and a serious head wound received when he refused to polish the boots of the soldiers who had taken him captive. He was thirteen years old. A few decades later, he became the first popularly elected president and served the nation, pausing briefly only to beat a would-be assassin with a cane to within an inch of his life. Theodore Roosevelt had asthma, was blind in one eye, survived multiple gunshot wounds, had only one regret (that there were no wars to fight under his presidency), and was the first U.S. president to win the Medal of Honor, which he did after he died. Faced with the choice, George Washington actually preferred the sound of bullets whizzing by his head in battle over the sound of silence.
And now these men—these hallowed leaders of the free world—want to kick your ass.
Plenty of historians can tell you which president had the most effective economic strategies, and which president helped shape our current political parties, but can any of them tell you what to do if you encounter Chester A. Arthur in a bare-knuckled boxing fight? This book will teach you how to be better, stronger, faster, and more deadly than the most powerful (and craziest) men in history. You’re welcome.
- Sales Rank: #243296 in Books
- Published on: 2014-03-18
- Released on: 2014-03-18
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.97" h x .71" w x 5.12" l, .55 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 272 pages
About the Author
DANIEL O’BRIEN is the head writer and creative director of video for Cracked.com, the coauthor of the New York Times bestseller You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News, and senior writer on The De-Textbook.
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Should be required reading in high school/college history courses
By Bad Medicine
I finished reading this book last night, and, I would recommend it to anyone. Daniel O'Brien is one of the senior editors at Cracked.com, and you don't get and keep that position without being both a) funny as hell, b) a really great writer, and c) great at doing your research and fact-checking.
I read this a lot on a series of round-trip flights to St. Louis, and it kept eliciting spontaneous chortles and smirks that got me a few wary looks from passengers who likely weren't nearly as comfortable flying in a little twin prop plane as I was. Chapters are 6-8 pages long, which means it's easy to find a stopping point (though I found the book hard to put down), and, Winston Rowntree has a technically brilliant art style married with a sense of humor that's a match made in heaven for the text - he absolutely deserves that front cover mention for his illustrations, and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter (if he has one).
The premise of the book - teaching you how to win, or at least survive, in a fight with our former presidents (except Teddy... you're going to lose, because he's -Teddy Roosevelt-) - is hilariously absurd. O'Brien has done a great deal of biographical and historical research on our nation's past leaders to put together a battle plan for his readers. I smiled, I chuckled, I laughed out loud, and I learned more about some of the most fascinating (and certifiably crazy) men in US history than I did in actual US history courses from kindergarten all the way through receiving my bachelor's degree.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Basically a 200 page DOB top Cracked article.
By Amazon Customer
Good book, got exactly what I expected. A humorous take on the history of all the currently deceased US Presidents. 3-6 pages entries on every one. learned a few interesting tidbits interspersed with DOB's well honed style of self deprecating, nerdy humor. If you're interested in US history or presidents, there's a lot in this book. I just wish he'd expanded on some of the more noteworthy presidents. Presidents with crazy feats or antics the likes of Teddy Roosevelt, or Andrew Jackson, or LBJ with crazy stories and trivia feel cramped in only 5 pages, and it seems like Daniel cut back on them to fit the format.
Overall, still a good short read that holds a lot of laughs and made me feel like I was learning something.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
How to fight Daniel O'Brien
By Steven
When trying to fight Daniel O'Brien, I can only implore you to reconsider. This is not a fight any sane person would attempt. However, if you feel like you must engage him, be warned that your only asset will be the element of surprise. Do not let him know that you plan to fight him. If he so much as suspects your intentions, you are screwed. O'brien will size you up, pinpoint all of your weaknesses, and exploit them without remorse. He will have read everything ever written about you and everything you have ever written (including that livejournal you started in middle school and thought you deleted). He will know you better then you know yourself. And make sure your fight does not occur in front of a crowd. His biggest asset is his humor, and that crowd will be laughing at your biggest insecurities. You will be begging for someone, anyone, to end your embarrassment. You may even start uncontrollably laughing with the crowd, thus leaving yourself defenseless. Also, do not be an authority figure, or try and tell Dan what he can and cannot do. His book makes it very clear, this is the quickest way to antagonize him. And be warned. Where most people would bring a knife or a gun to a fight, Daniel will bring Theodore Roosevelt. And if this book has made one thing clear to me, it is that the combination of Theodore Roosevelt and fight has only one outcome. So I implore you, you should really just reconsider. And get Dan's book. It's pretty funny, especially if you like him on Cracked.com.
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